New sibling

When your doctor releases you from the hospital, try to plan the trip so that you, your husband, and the baby have a chance to be alone. It may be the first time. The peaceful mood will soon end as you may find throngs of well-wishing relatives and children waiting for you at home.

Children under the age of five often resent the new baby's presence, and you can hardly blame them. Especially if Johnny is an only child, he's had his mother's undivided attention up to now. Suddenly, he's forced to share the spotlight. That tiny little bundle that just eats and sleeps and cries is a very successful competitor for Mommy's time, and Johnny is bound to feel a little unhappy about this new, unsettling situation.

However, a great deal of this resentment can be minimized if you begin preparing him ahead of time for the new baby's arrival. Get across the important idea that once Baby's here, he'll belong to the whole family, not just to Mother and Daddy.

If you're going to move Johnny to a different room, do it far enough in advance so that he won't feel as though he's being booted out because of the new sibling. Let him feel it's because he's a big boy and ready for his own room. Talk to him about names for his new brother or sister, but don't promise either one or the other. If you do, you run the risk of disappointing him when Baby Brother turns out to be Baby Sister.

If at all possible, have the older children at home rather than camped out with a friend or relative when you come home from the hospital. When the children have been looking forward to the arrival of "their" new baby, they're tickled and happy to see him, and homecoming is a joyous occasion. Otherwise, if they haven't been told a new baby is coming and have been farmed out to Grandma, they'll come home, find a baby, probably wonder where he came from—and why!

Once Baby and you are home, you may notice a little regression on the part of the other children. One wants a bath when you're bathing the baby followed by lotion and powder too. Or, if Johnny is no longer taking a bottle, he goes back to wanting one. Go along with his requests with an occasional reminder that he’s a big boy now and really doesn’t need a bottle or whatever. He'll give it up without much fuss within a few weeks.

Toilet training often breaks down, and there's a period of pants-wetting and bed-wetting, but this seldom lasts long.

Resentment also diminishes if the older children help with the baby. Let one carry Baby's bottle while you carry Baby to your favorite feeding chair or hand you a diaper when you're changing the baby. Put a pillow on your toddler's lap and let him hold the baby while you stay nearby to make sure the baby doesn't fall off.

Naturally, you won't have as much time to devote to the older children, but spend as much time as possible with them. Both you and your husband should make an effort to assure your toddler or children that you love them just as much as the baby, but he requires extra attention because he's so small.

Discourage loving grandparents who rush in with "Where's the baby?" and unconsciously ignore the former apple of their eye. It's a sure way to make a little boy or girl feel unwanted and unimportant.

Constantly nagging the older children also leads to resenting the newcomer. If you continually tell them to hush, the baby's sleeping, or that they can't play in there because they will awaken Baby, they're going to wish that that intruder had never showed up.

It's fairly common for a toddler to show resentment by hitting the new baby, stealing his blanket, or pulling his hair or leg. Help him overcome this kind of behavior by reassuring him that you love him very much, but all the while letting him know that he must not hurt the baby.

Protecting the baby is also part of your job. Toddlers can accidentally pull over a bassinet, so it's safer to put Baby in a crib with side pads which will keep him from getting his head stuck between the bars. You may also find it necessary to keep the baby's room closed so the little ones can't get to him. If your little ones are playing around the baby, you'll have to be ready to jump in if it looks as if Baby might get hurt.